Snobbery Buffalo Style

Some people are wine snobs. They sniff and swirl their wine glass and scoff at two buck chuck. There are also car snobs who will argue to the death of why standards are better than automatics, and will always remind you while driving (usually them somewhere).

Then there are Buffalonians: We are wing snobs :)

I mean this in the nicest way possible because I am one myself. Yes, even after years of living outside the All-American city I consider myself a wing snob.

I sneer when I see 'Buffalo chicken wings' on the menu. Please do not make laugh. If you have to specify they are 'Buffalo' style they probably are not.

We do sniff, we want to smell the sauce before the wing touches our lips. If you can't smell the sauce: you don't have enough sauce or it's weak sauce. Please take it away.

We evaluate the integrity of the wing. Can you see bone where meat is supposed to be? Do the double bones (known as the wing) hold their own or do they break easily? No one wants a weak infrastructure on their wing. We want meat on them bones.

Speaking of meat: we don't like tiny chicken wings either. We don't want the drumsticks from Cornish Game Hens. No. We like genetically enhanced mega chicken wings. OK maybe not that big... But seriously it should take me more than one go to get the meat off the bone.

Sauce. This is where it gets tricky. Trust me though, pineapple teriyaki is NOT a Buffalo style chicken wing. Hot, medium, or mild. BBQ MAYBE- but don't press your luck.

Blue cheese. You use ranch you say? No. Just no. And it has to have chunks, it can't be runny either. I suggest Marie's but that can be hard to procure depending on the area. Don't use Blue Cheese? :: sigh :: Fine, just don't use Ranch. Believe me I love Ranch dressing, but on wings it's just a no no.

Also, celery and/or carrots MUST be included. Do not charge extra- this is an integral part of the dish. How better to slather the blue cheese on your wing than with a stick of celery? OR, tell yourself your meal had veggies- and is therefore healthy?

Of course there is proper cooking method. There is only one: deep fry. Don't try to cut calories on this dish or it will end in tears (and sow seeds of contempt with your Buffalonian friends)

Amazingly this seemingly simple dish is actually a work of art, and we take pride in having the best. We generally do not order wings outside the area. When we do (hey, there are always exceptions) we are scrutinzing to a fault, and we end up wishing we didn't order it after all.